I didn't know what I was writing when I started. It was just a way for me to get things off my chest, out of my head; losing John affected me in ways I hadn't considered. Writing 'Nine Years' helped me to realise, and appreciate, things I hadn't previously acknowledged as important, or relevant. I never planned on it becoming four parts, it just happened. There were moments when I had to stop writing so I could cry, laugh, think, breathe, let whatever revelation I had had, to sink in. We enjoyed lots of good times over our nine years together, too many to talk about. I have included some of my favourites. We had a good life with lots of laughter, it wasn't all doom and gloom.I wasn't sure if I would let people read what I was writing at the beginning; it is deeply personal. I've pretty much laid myself, and my life with John, bare for the world to pass judgement on. I haven't sugar coated anything, I have been blunt in some of my wording, that's just the way I am. This isn't about justifying my grief, I don't need to do that; I refuse to do that. Grief needs no justification.I would like to think that reading 'Nine Years' will provide an insight into the reality of losing someone you love. To anyone who reads 'Nine Years' who has suffered a loss then I hope you find some kind reassurance that you are not alone in the feelings, thoughts, emotions you have had, or are still experiencing. It is shit, life is very unfair, but we are still standing. I don't claim to be an expert, I don't have the answers, I do a story to share.