For over 20years, Alex has moved from one stage of struggle to another. From suffering convulsion as a little boy to having difficulty in speaking which eventually led to intense stammering well into his teenage years. Coming from a large African family with more than 15 siblings and two step-mothers, a regular day was survival of the fittest. Alex experienced constant hunger, beatings and everyday jealousy, fighting, shouting and backbiting that comes with such size of family living in the same house.After 16years of hard-work and engaging in a number of ventures and as well as establishing his own business at some point, Alex is still unable to pay his own bills. He gets by through the support of family and friends. In fact, at 36years of age Alex is still living with his mother. Alex has suffered so much shame and humiliation amongst his family and peers. His life has no dignity.In "If I was not here, what would I miss?" Alex began to take account of his life to find out what has kept him going in all his years of dryness, and if it is still worth it to keep living. In this book he talks about his discoveries and his persuasions in life as he replayed his past memories. But are they enough to keep him from taking his own life? This may be Alex's last book on an attempt to find reasons to keep living.